One of the things I’m learning to cherish about the Lord is that he is always honest with me from the very beginning.  “In this life you will have trouble…I am sending you out as sheep among wolves…you do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness”

We don’t hear much about spiritual warfare these days.  Most churches seem to ignore the reality of Satan, despite the constant warnings that the bible gives us.  I believe everyday is a battle for any believer.  For me, most days seem similar to everyone around me.  I wrestle with balancing classes, time, and relationships (all struggles that I’ve realized seem to mirror the rest of the world.)

However, every six months or so it seems, the enemy hits me with a very real and demonic presence that seems to get worse every time it happens.  Its never lasted more than one week but when it comes I am down and out.  I’ve had everything from dreams about demons chasing me, real experiences where I hear and see things, constant thoughts and temptation about my past struggles (bulimia, cutting myself, suicidal thoughts, etc.)  Despite the new wave of deeper intimacy with God that immediately follows every single time, I’m overcome with fear and waves of depression when all of this happens.  I suddenly find myself having a hardened heart towards all the Christians around me and I’m convinced that I cant tell them whats going on because they will either say I’m crazy or think I’m overreacting.  Instead, I put up walls and feel like the biggest failure to God.

After the most amazing encounter with the Holy Spirit last Saturday night, I should have been expecting it.  (1 Corinthians 10:12, “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.)  After having a panic attack yesterday, I finally called my mom and told her it was happening again.  She wants me to go talk to my pastor again tomorrow and we decided it was best for me to come home from school tonight and stay through the weekend.

As much as I am tempted to worry about how behind I already am in school, this was by far the best decision I could have made.  My mom and I just spent hours having one of the greatest conversations of my life.  God is using my own spiritual warfare to open her eyes to the reality of the gospel, as he’s doing the same with me.  She told me how she was reading Matthew after praying with me over the phone and how after the 100th time of reading it, all these things started making sense to her for the first time about the reality of the spiritual world we live in.  Through talking to her, I found myself asking this question.  Why aren’t the majority of believers having these same spiritual battles?  I’ve talked to two other people from school that have had similar situations and they agreed that they didn’t start until they were made aware of these two realities: that everything is a spiritual battle & that we as individual sons and daughters of God have the power to overcome satin.  

While it’s true that this authority only comes from God, I think a lot of the church believes in their hearts that only God has to deal with these other authorities and should fight those “types” of battles while we sit on the sidelines of this life here on earth.  “Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” - Luke 10:19.

As much as I HATE when this happens, I see myself grow in understanding of Gods love for me but also in my awareness of the very real battle that I signed up for when I handed my entire life over to him.  As each spiritual battle seems to get worse each time He is making me stronger and I’m learning what it means to wait on Him.  There are so many scriptures that talk about waiting on the Lord.  Maybe these scriptures weren’t talking about waiting on the Lord for the next pay raise or help with studying for an exam to reach an earthly degree of some kind.  Just maybe, these people in the bible were waiting for the passing of a very real fight against powers of darkness.  

What if the church was to come alive and be willing to enter into the battles that are more real than our human existence?  I think fear would start to shift from believers and onto the wicked rulers who know their day is coming.

This is why I know God is real.  This is why he has created me and you to live and fight for a higher purpose.  Sitting in a pew for the rest of my life and listening to instruction isn’t enough for me.  I know there’s so much more to all of this than I could even imagine.

“You shall not fear them, for the Lord your God shall fight for you.” - Deuteronomy 3:22…and by “for you” God means in and through you.  I dont recall seeing Daniel or any other people in the bible sitting on the sidelines while they watched God fight for them?  Let me clarify to you my own weakness in all of this.  I usually cry out complaining to God while asking why this is happening to me again.  My feelings of defeat never seem to go away in the middle of it all but that’s all they are, feelings!

Underneath the surface however, God is molding me into an even greater masterpiece.  This is me “boasting about my weaknesses” because the Father delights in taking emotionally unstable and stubborn daughters such as myself and continues to open my eyes to this reality of grace and new life that cant be earned by good works or sacrifice.  


1 Peter 4:12-13, “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice in as much as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed”